platters, whitegoods and closer

I'VE BEEN SPENDING a lotta time dining with [read: getting fed by] married people of late.

"married people?!" i hear you exclaim, rearing back from your computer in shock, mouth agape, eyeballs popping.


i know, I KNOW. i'm sorry i've mislead you. i don't often fraternise with such devoted vowing types but sometimes it seems almost unavoidable. and really, they DO seem to be multiplying, which only makes it harder to avoid them!

and then there's the ones that aren't technically married but soon will/may as well be. they're even harder to avoid ~ like plain clothes inspectors!

and i know YOU know some married people too, there's no use denying it. they're the ones we all know who have moved out to the burbs and in with hubby/wifey [zoe & jordan, kizza & kizza ~ you're temporarily safe from my sanctimonious drivel, fitzroy and flemington are definitely NOT "the burbs" but mei & gor, you're teetering...let this be a warning!]; the ones who don't go out much anymore; and the ones who, as a consequence, city cats like us just don't get [around] to see[ing] very often...and no, i DON'T mean your parents!

i mean...

those people who used to steal into your bedroom late at night in cahoots with your older brother, both wearing freddy kruger gloves they got at the show for the sole purpose of tormenting YOU;

[AND YES! you too can torment your pre-teen younger sister and her friend for only US $4...or just make the cocktail ~ who knew freddy kruger was a drink??!]

those people we first got drunk on subzeros [or e33s or stones green ginger wine or southern comfort] with and got the money from our parents on the pretext of buying "lollies" or "women's products";

and, those people we use to take high dosages of travel sickness tablets with in an effort to induce hallucinations ~ or, in my case just watch others take them coz i was too scared to do it myself - jeez, i was too scared to even kiss my boyfriends before year nine, we just held hands and even THAT was daring!

and, what have i learned from my recent experiences with married people??

they can COOK!!

they have whitegoods that WORK [but not washing machines that sing]

they have platters aplenty, one of which i gave them[!] which they either set up to look like they're using or...are ACTUALLY using, SHOCK HORROR!

yea, it SOUNDS okay, quite manageable in fact. but...all these positive experiences of married-ness came to a nasty head on tuesday when, post lubbly ICI blunch with sqodge & mumma sqodge, the three of us traipsed off to the cinema to see closer, the julia-roberts-can't-decide-who-she-wants-to-be-married-to-let-alone-who-she-wants-to-sleep-with film.

roberts' character, "don't stop loving me" anna, IS admittedly, more than a leetle starved for choice.

there's dan "what's so great about the truth?" ~ the endlessly irritating *writer* [his book failed, he writes obituaries, i DON'T think he can call himself a writer ESPECIALLY when he uses "disarming" as a euphemism FOR DISARMING] who you get the feeling you're supposed to like despite his self-absorption;

or larry ~ the revoltingly neanderthal emotionally-childish slimeball dermatologist who anna meets at the aquarium purely coz of dan's practical joke slash obsession with her and somehow ends up getting married to [this part of the story is, not surprisingly, glossed over coz HOW could an audience believe THAT?!]

and then, kinda hangin around in the background for key moments [read: bouncing up and down in slow-motion amongst the greyness of the rat race; sharing intimate moments with larry in the paradise room of a london strip club; playing "ha ha, made ya look" games when dan tries to break up with her], is the "beguiling" alice/jane/whatever her name is who's after some kind of tangible love, or maybe just a new plaything.

the coolest thing about the movie is that you too can web chat to complete strangers on the official website thereby completely trashing YOUR insignificant relationship just as they show you how in the film, awesome!

UPDATE: the aliases in this chat window are DEFINITELY not real people but are automated responses which repeat at such high frequency that, surely, they are not intended to be believed?!

meh...

tonight is soon to be smelling of nachos pizza

xx