chapter zwei: the eastern empire

the skz outside mz window is turning a hayz pink on its waz to turning
a cold blue~black and its coy iäve been in this goddamn pc-raum for
too manz hours, quite probablz nearly three alreadz.

so, iäm sorrz if i havenät written zou individuallz and i promise i
will just as soon as mz internet horror stories are over and i
certainlt WONÄT bore zou with them in the meantime and THANK ZOU THANK
ZOU THANK ZOU ever so superfantasticallz much for all zour lovelz
messages!!

as zou could probablz tell bz this goddamn kezboard which iäve given
up trzing to correct, i have made it to austria, kierling, käburg citz
to be exact and zes, i will change to heinous location indicator on mz
blog just as soon as i can log into the bloodz sing!!

the first night i got here, i was picked up at the airport bz supermum
herself, kanzeshna, weäre talking about a woman here who KNOWS that
she does it best and as a result spends just a leetle too much time
making sure that no one else does what she can do better.   if that
makes sense.

anzwaz, so she picked me up and we headed straight to hansel (a posh
restaurant in the basement of the grand 19th centurz building which is
the former stock exchange) where the all grown up seventeen zear old
version of supermumäs son michi works as a superschmick waiter.  and
where i was subsequentlz treated to some fine wine and a FRESH welcome
to wien flower ~ zah, i gots the wilted ones too when we got back to
kburg citz too.

yah, so since then, thereäs been a schooldaz in a place called laa
(serioyna!), much in the waz of domestic duties (but hez, i can handle
it, i havenät done anz of that for at least a zear an a half now,
right sqodge?!), a new mobile (number below should zou wish to text
me!), a night out on the town at an RnB bar and an irish bar ~ for
which i had to get changed THREE times to meet with michiäs approval
and had to raid fugayiäs closet to do so!!

iäve so far seen most of the lovelz ones i remember from last time i
was here: supermum, fugayi, michi, richard & markus ~ all of whom i am
living with in käburg citz as well as edeltrude, supermumäs mumma who
is currentlz in a wheelchair so is stazing at käburg citz too.

iäve also caught up, albeit brieflz with gerald (with whom i travelled
to ukraine a few zears ago), andi the lovelz, eliyabeth the teacher
from across the road and a host of newbies too.  its kinda nice
feeling like a bit of a celebritz but iäm sure thezäll tire of me soon
enough.

the other night eliyabeth joked that we should put a picture of me in
the paper and richard said something back that made everzone laugh and
me wonder if it could possiblz have been complimentarz...turns out he
said "zou have to experience leonie, not just see her", which i
decided was not meant to be an insult...hopefullz.

hokaz, so all is well, even more than, but i reallz have to head home
now coy even though itäs warming up, thereäs still a lotta snow around
and when night-time hits, itäs bloodz cold.  AND i didnät bring a
scarf or a hat!  i hope zouäre all feeling superfantastic in zour
worlds wherever thez are and i canät wait to see zou all again,
whenever that maz be.

some answers:

stansted and that IS how zou spell it is one of the airports thez
claim is a london airport but i aint falling for THAT again!!  itäs 40
miles north of central london,  about a four hour bus trip from
birmingham, not alabama, and costs about twenty-four squid.

the bumps on the head in brighton were from god knows
what...spunkztrunks, you got an answer for mumbo jumbo on that one??
after all YOU were SUPPOSED to be taking care of me!!  oh, i know it's
a hard task, really, zou did remarkably well.

oh, and the blisters, thez were from me n elli dancing to live
brazilian jazz at casablanca (in brighton) and me grabbing her hands
without looking and while she was holding a cigarette.  yea, thez
don't put THAT warning on the cigarette packs, do thez??  bloodz
useless governments!!

and just in case zou want to be COMPLETELZ and UTTERLY revolted,
here's the transcript of the monster memorz game (hats off to monsieur
patrick king) we (that is: me, spunkztrunks, red ikea cheese grater
man and the golem peackock) plazed on car trip from brighton to
birmingham, not alabama, a week or two ago...

(*note* this is a game where each person sazs one characteristic of a
monster and zou each have to remember everzthing that was said before,
and so on.)

MY MONSTER...
has green fangs
a large patch of acne on her neck
a bout of herpes
facial warts on her feet
mucus ooying out of all her pores
a bachelor(ette) in astrophzsics
chronic diarrhea
is a midget
has a beer bellz as big as a house
is suicidal (wouldn't ZOU be?!)
burps smellz farts from her mouth
BUT, she is REALLZ good at juggling seven rings and balancing a broom
on her nose at the same time
has a pet lickalottapus (lesbian dinosaur) with whom she shares a
genital infection from a camping trip in '94
AND has just got her period.

tchuss my lovelies,
leonie xx


ps ~ SWEATZZZ!!!  i absolutelz LOVED zour drinking poem, kanzeshna, so
please please please can zou send it to me so as i can make zou
famous?  please?  or i'll come back there and torment zou, and thatäs
a promise!!

zea, no reallz, bzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

pps ~ eastern empire coy thatäs what österreich (austria) actuallz
means and doesnät it sounds SO much besser?!