Friday, March 25, 2005

joogling an abundance of cheese

i’m blogging offline, if that’s not a contradiction in terms, coz i get the feeling the dial-up internet connection could be a bit pricey and i still haven’t got a job. it’s funny coz i was thinkin i should really get one and that everyone in the house must be thinking what a lazy leetle so-and-so i am but then last night supermum told me that, while i was out visiting six irish pubs to proffer my services, markus commented that i’m a workaholic! really?! me?? i think not, but i’ll willingly let others continue to think so, perhaps it might help my trashbag reputation...

speaking of laziness, today i didn’t even get outta bed til nearly midday. i made the fateful mistake of putting curtains up on my windows a few days ago and ever since then i have not been able to get up, regardless of what time i set my alarm. of course, it could have something to do with the fact that i have no real need to get up, or that i go to bed between midnight and 1am most nights, but no, let’s blame it on the curtains which, silky dark blue with stars on them, must be convincing my slumbering brain that it really is still night outside.

when i finally did get up it was a breakfast outside kinda day, so sunshiney and warm that the butter was melting on the table. after a bread roll n coffee for breakfast and attempting (unsuccessfully) to read my horoscope in german, i decided to practise my juggling, yup, for practically the first time since i learnt how from astroturf puddle boy in birmingham, not alabama.

thing is (here’s my list of excuses), i don’t really wanna practise inside coz the ceiling’s too low in my room and the rest of the house is pretty chaotic and...well...let’s just say i don’t have supreme command over my juggling balls yet. so on a day where bare feet are perfectly applicable and a singlet can be worn sans ensuing goosebumps, i say some juggling is in order!

the best thing about being pretty damn average at it, is that it actually works out to be a form of exercise too. i’m not sure if this still applies when you get good at it, but when you’re not much chop, like me, you’ll be forever bending down to pick up the balls from the ground. when i learnt, i spent an hour or so doing this and ended up hobbling around like an old witch for days as a result ~ seriozna! but today i warmed up~ish, clever, no? well, i’ll letcha know tomorrow...

oh! i’m sorry if i shocked you with the mention of exercise, i’m not going all tom of finland on you, i just know that the situation could get dire pretty quickly when i’m living with such an abundance of cheese!! we gots emmentaler, butter kase, mozarella, camembert, fraisch kase...and they’re just the ones i can remember without looking, there’s at least three other types in the fridge and it’s scarily easier to eat them than it is to avoid them.

and then there’s these things that call themselves krapfen. as unappetising as that may sound, they’re actually donuts! apricot filled, no less!! so yea, they’re only easy to avoid because they evaporate almost as soon as they’re brought back from the s’market. on another food note, we had beer-battered vegetables for dinner tonight and no, i don’t mean the vegetables were beaten over the head with beer bottles (although that would go well with the smashed potatoes we had last time i was here and the spring rolls i massacred a few weeks ago), they were fried in beer batter ~ how much more of a perfect meal could be invented pour moi?!

and i haven’t even BEGUN to tell you about salzburg?! oh, i’m really gonna have to revert to dot points for that one!

7am - wakeup!!!!!!!!!! (not without difficulty, kanyeshna)
spoke to supermum BEFORE she’d had her coffee
got a stern request NOT to do so again, PLEASE

8.30am - departure
snow AND sunshine all the way
stopped at mondsee
(crescent shaped “moon lake”)
a-bloody-mazing view
(check the photo link on the right)
back on the road with cirque du soleil playin on the stereo
spanks puddle boy

1pm - Salzburg (& the high snobiety according to supermum)
mountainous backdrop every which way
more kinds of more gigantic pretzels than previously imaginable
-chocolate and jam
-and not so ordinary pretzels too!
TREE CAKE - omg!!
beidermeier kaffee (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)
tiny streets, no cars in the centre
old fashioned gents cycling by
salzburger hats and a clear blue sky
mozart is everywhere
despite being long gone
uni choir from san antonio
sang in a freezing church
we met with some of them
(daughter of a friend of supermum
~ from years ago in libya)
dinner...ish & radlers,
that’s beer n lemonade
search for the bus
one way streets
car horns honking
tally for nice vs nasty salzburgers see-sawing til even
goodbye to americans choristers

7pm - head home accompanied by the eagles and tiredness
10.30pm - go directly to bed, do not pass go, do not eat krapfen OR pretzels OR cheese, just go to bloody bed

yea, so that was that.

other weird things about austria:

they drive on the WRONG side of the road. i know this because, despite being observant, i also drove MYSELF to the video shop the other night in grandma’s car! everyone had a great deal of amusement at my expense about how i wouldn’t be able to drive and they should warn all their friends to stay off the roads but i’m glad to say that i haven’t forgotten the entirety of eight years driving experience and managed to make it there and back unscathed.

they have strange toilets that allow you to examine your waste before you flush it away, you know, in case you had to stash your grandfathers’ watch (a la pulp fiction) or something, i guess...

vegetables are more expensive than cheese and meat! strange. but i’m coping just fine thanks to the efforts and tolerance of my most gracious hosts...does that sound sincere? yea, nah, really, i AM coping. the only stomach churning moment was ordering cheese sandwiches from a late night sausage stand and then watching a mouse run by our feet while we waited for our food, yummo.

so, i’m goin to a goa party in the city tonight with flower-stick stephan and his tres lovely girlfriend claudia. progress learning german: nonexistent at this point. progress with job: had an interview last night. said i could pull a beer even though i never have. plan to do extensive research watching various bar staff pull beers for me all over the city between now and my trial shift...fingers crossed!

tchuss lovelies, hopin you’re all smilin, i have GOTS to get off this thing NOW, love ya xx

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

chapter zwei: the eastern empire

the skz outside mz window is turning a hayz pink on its waz to turning
a cold blue~black and its coy iäve been in this goddamn pc-raum for
too manz hours, quite probablz nearly three alreadz.

so, iäm sorrz if i havenät written zou individuallz and i promise i
will just as soon as mz internet horror stories are over and i
certainlt WONÄT bore zou with them in the meantime and THANK ZOU THANK
ZOU THANK ZOU ever so superfantasticallz much for all zour lovelz

as zou could probablz tell bz this goddamn kezboard which iäve given
up trzing to correct, i have made it to austria, kierling, käburg citz
to be exact and zes, i will change to heinous location indicator on mz
blog just as soon as i can log into the bloodz sing!!

the first night i got here, i was picked up at the airport bz supermum
herself, kanzeshna, weäre talking about a woman here who KNOWS that
she does it best and as a result spends just a leetle too much time
making sure that no one else does what she can do better.   if that
makes sense.

anzwaz, so she picked me up and we headed straight to hansel (a posh
restaurant in the basement of the grand 19th centurz building which is
the former stock exchange) where the all grown up seventeen zear old
version of supermumäs son michi works as a superschmick waiter.  and
where i was subsequentlz treated to some fine wine and a FRESH welcome
to wien flower ~ zah, i gots the wilted ones too when we got back to
kburg citz too.

yah, so since then, thereäs been a schooldaz in a place called laa
(serioyna!), much in the waz of domestic duties (but hez, i can handle
it, i havenät done anz of that for at least a zear an a half now,
right sqodge?!), a new mobile (number below should zou wish to text
me!), a night out on the town at an RnB bar and an irish bar ~ for
which i had to get changed THREE times to meet with michiäs approval
and had to raid fugayiäs closet to do so!!

iäve so far seen most of the lovelz ones i remember from last time i
was here: supermum, fugayi, michi, richard & markus ~ all of whom i am
living with in käburg citz as well as edeltrude, supermumäs mumma who
is currentlz in a wheelchair so is stazing at käburg citz too.

iäve also caught up, albeit brieflz with gerald (with whom i travelled
to ukraine a few zears ago), andi the lovelz, eliyabeth the teacher
from across the road and a host of newbies too.  its kinda nice
feeling like a bit of a celebritz but iäm sure thezäll tire of me soon

the other night eliyabeth joked that we should put a picture of me in
the paper and richard said something back that made everzone laugh and
me wonder if it could possiblz have been complimentarz...turns out he
said "zou have to experience leonie, not just see her", which i
decided was not meant to be an insult...hopefullz.

hokaz, so all is well, even more than, but i reallz have to head home
now coy even though itäs warming up, thereäs still a lotta snow around
and when night-time hits, itäs bloodz cold.  AND i didnät bring a
scarf or a hat!  i hope zouäre all feeling superfantastic in zour
worlds wherever thez are and i canät wait to see zou all again,
whenever that maz be.

some answers:

stansted and that IS how zou spell it is one of the airports thez
claim is a london airport but i aint falling for THAT again!!  itäs 40
miles north of central london,  about a four hour bus trip from
birmingham, not alabama, and costs about twenty-four squid.

the bumps on the head in brighton were from god knows
what...spunkztrunks, you got an answer for mumbo jumbo on that one??
after all YOU were SUPPOSED to be taking care of me!!  oh, i know it's
a hard task, really, zou did remarkably well.

oh, and the blisters, thez were from me n elli dancing to live
brazilian jazz at casablanca (in brighton) and me grabbing her hands
without looking and while she was holding a cigarette.  yea, thez
don't put THAT warning on the cigarette packs, do thez??  bloodz
useless governments!!

and just in case zou want to be COMPLETELZ and UTTERLY revolted,
here's the transcript of the monster memorz game (hats off to monsieur
patrick king) we (that is: me, spunkztrunks, red ikea cheese grater
man and the golem peackock) plazed on car trip from brighton to
birmingham, not alabama, a week or two ago...

(*note* this is a game where each person sazs one characteristic of a
monster and zou each have to remember everzthing that was said before,
and so on.)

has green fangs
a large patch of acne on her neck
a bout of herpes
facial warts on her feet
mucus ooying out of all her pores
a bachelor(ette) in astrophzsics
chronic diarrhea
is a midget
has a beer bellz as big as a house
is suicidal (wouldn't ZOU be?!)
burps smellz farts from her mouth
BUT, she is REALLZ good at juggling seven rings and balancing a broom
on her nose at the same time
has a pet lickalottapus (lesbian dinosaur) with whom she shares a
genital infection from a camping trip in '94
AND has just got her period.

tchuss my lovelies,
leonie xx

ps ~ SWEATZZZ!!!  i absolutelz LOVED zour drinking poem, kanzeshna, so
please please please can zou send it to me so as i can make zou
famous?  please?  or i'll come back there and torment zou, and thatäs
a promise!!

zea, no reallz, bzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

pps ~ eastern empire coy thatäs what österreich (austria) actuallz
means and doesnät it sounds SO much besser?!

Friday, March 11, 2005

stanstead if that's how you spell it

AT THE AIRPORT now, leaving england finally and only five days after i planned to. an extended visit was very necessary, in case you don't know, for "personal" reasons as in, not ones you get to read about on this blog! at least not now you don't.... but apart from it being "necessary" for reasons beyond explanation at present, it was also a very sensible decision in a fiscal sense, coz it would'a cost me about three times as much to leave on sunday (original plan) as it did today.

kanyeshna, this is at least partly due to the fact that i was so "distracted" that i didn't get around to booking my flight til the saturday. but anyway, the only negative side-effect of my delayed departure is that i didn't communicate it very well to supermum which resulted in much deserved annoyance on her part, trekking to the airport late at night, and the soon to be receipt of wilted dying flowers on my part, also deserved methinks.

but aside from this inconsideration and subsequent guilty horror, the last few days have been absolutely loovly. a lotta film watching and bludging about coz there's not a whole lot in the way of scenery in birmingham and also just coz i could think of better things to do. last night we went to a "scream" bar, just me, spunkytrunks astroturf puddle boy, eccles and simon ~ alackaday i forgot to make him up a nickname! and it was anything but a quiet night!

spunkytrunks and i both had a brief but deep dip in spirits early in the evening and, as a result, we cancelled our dinner plans. t'was a bit of a shame but also understandable coz we've had such a superfantastic time and yeh, well, now it's on hiatus so that's a leetle bit of a shock to the system as i'm sure you understand. but anyway, we had three vodka shots (had to use starbursts as chasers!!) and headed out to consume pitchers aplenty.

now, i tell ya something, they haven't got what i'd call much of a clue in this country but those pitchers are a damn fine invention. just like jugs, y'see, only think of the proportion of pots to pints and you've got some idea of the magnitude of amber indulgence ensconced in a pitcher of stella. i think they cost about eight quid maybe?

oh yea, and here's one for the tales of starnawskirestlessness' travel hopelessness: do we all remember the one about going to switzerland by mistake? and the one about missing the plane to italy and leaving lovely lou sitting on the steps of the station til three am? and the one about getting on the train AFTER it had started moving in ukraine? and the other one, the worst one, about missing the plane outta turkey on september twelve when it really did feel like the world had turned upside down and was trying to shake us all out?

yea, well, i tend to laugh about these things EXCEPT WHEN THEY'RE HAPPENING!!! and today, yea, about an hour or so before my bus was leaving birmingham i realised that it said about two or three times on my ticket confirmation that i had to actually print the ticket in order to travel. and kanyeshna, i hadn't actually read the bloody thing prior to that, had i? so i didn't have any farking idea, did i?!

what ensued was christian getting home from his driving lesson and us heading out in a frenzy of packs on backs on buses and the internet search mission worthy of an indiana jones film. oh okay, i'm exaggerating, you knew it...but the rest of it is sadly, embarassingly, hopelessly true. and as i pointed out to astroturf puddle boy, i'm really good at arriving, just not so good at's the serial goodbye-ER in me.

gotta go get corfee now, love and luck to you all and a huge mumma shout to those i've partied with in england! thanks for the good times, the blisters, the bumps on my head, for it all. it's been loovly!!


Sunday, March 06, 2005


check this out for a rockin night, kids!!

that was the drum n bass night we went to last monday...tuesday...?? someday!

back from brighton and reading now, just been to see the awe inspiring cirque du soleil, they have a show in melbourne soon and if you haven't booked yet you better bloody do it coz you canNOT miss out!!

GOT to book my flight to austria NOW!! meant to be leaving tomorrow...aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

love to you all, i can't wait to see you again somewhere, somewhen.
take care and gluck in all that you do, all my lovin, leonie xx

Saturday, March 05, 2005

oh well okay, one more then...

dear you,

disaster morning
lots of snow ~ lovely
dead guinea pig
spit in face
rugova leaving
trudy very upset
and a bit mean
cold mashed potatoes
horrid vegie sausages

birmingham new street station hell
train to reading
lost babushka brooch
shall we leg it?
sweaty and shelley
yahtzee winner!!

a real fucking shower finally
STAR motif firmly attached to duffel coat (spank you so very much
sqodger, you IS da greatest!!
amazing vegie brekkie at cafe iguana
fried potatoes
grilled mushrooms
poached egg
baked beans
vegie sausages

lucky fucking something
smelly alley (it's REALLY called that!)
net cafe - duh!

train to theale
lunch with sweaty and roo

train to brighton
alien creature
beer, oh...ya reckon??
portslade by the sea oh ahhhhh dahling

drum n bass
see me online at something like it!!
no time for internet
sorry so sorry but
absolutely loving it
and sort of missing you



Tuesday, March 01, 2005

email that i should have sent you but which might have gone to your spam folder

aloo gobi funsters,

this is SERIOUSLY the ONLY group email i am going to send you and i'm sending it to you all because i want you to know how absolutely superfantastic my leaving aus was.  totally couldn't have been better!!

sqodger says i'm a serial goodbye-er and what can i say but...yea?!  i am but only coz you're so great to say goodbye on...i think that came out wrong!  you're great to say hello to too i promise!!  but i just felt so...yea, loved.  by ALL the phone calls and ALL the company.

RIGHT, enough gushing.

am now in birmingham and using my lovely laptop at a cafe that has wireless.  have sent spunkytrunks (that's christian, the hot water service for those who don't know and SHOULD!) home for the power plug coz i'm running out of battery.  christian is a fantastic host, i tell ya.  cannot be faulted in ANY. WHICH. WAY.  BUT BUt But but...i guess i should start at the start.

yah, plane was shitty.  fullstop.  mumbo n sqodge: MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ORDERED VEGETARIAN FOOD or live on bread, salad (if lettuce can be called salad) and peanuts for two days like i did.  yup, shite.  oh, and MAKE damn sure you've got ear plugs and LOTS of sleeping drugs. hokay, sermon over.

had a fun night in tokyo.  didn't make it to the big smoke coz my "contact" turned out to be Useless with a capital U.  but didn't really matter, me and cameron from north dandenong (all bright eyed and excited that he was, having never left aus before) found ourselves...well, what do YOU think?  a bar of course!  and what do they have at bars?  well, BEER of course!!  and in tokyo...they also have strange old men that try and read your palm but can't speak english so you just have to guess if it's good news or bad by the looks on their faces.  it was wicked!  i will try and upload some photos for youse all today too.

yea, so narita was fine n good.  then got to london and it was about one or two am melbourne/tokyo time so i was pretty much a zombie freak but just got me straight on a train to bognor and met era (my cousin), her son and hubby and went out for an indian meal.

bognor was as good as bognor could possibly have been.  was really really super to see era and victor again, typical insane eight year old that he is, and yea, well, y'all know it but i was REALLY hangin to meet up with christian.

so, on friday, after beer n chips at the pub in bognor, i jumped on a train for about 45 minutes and was met by the beanie clad joogling star 'imself.  and things could, quite simply, not have been better since then.  the trip to birmingham took about three more hours in the car, then another hour on a train, then a fifteen or twenty minute bus ride and THEN we just got stuck into the beer didn't we?  and the absolut vanilla that i bought duty free.

okay, i'm not telling you the sordid details!!  saturday night we had a raucous debaucherous night out which you will see from the pics (there's links to my pics at the bottom of my blog page and there's a link to the blog at the bottom of this email, right?!).

sunday we had a sunday drive and a walk along the muddy canal with christian's parents.  his ma is superlovely and his dad, well, he was nice but i don't think he's a very happy man and i know too much not so nice stuff about him to have liked him much anyway.  yea, but it
was a good day and an exhaustingly hungover day and last night was a
very quiet one.

today?  it's snowing out there.  cold, yea.  but as you well know, it suits me JUST FINE.  so, from here on in i will most definitely reply to yer emails (coz i love youse) but i wont send a group mail so please read my blog and keep in touch.  love ya and miss ya, leonie xx

oh yea, and you can still text me on my melbourne number if you want. i'll let you know when i get a new number in vienna...